caleb
i keep thinking about that girl
the one who defended me
maybe i should give her a chance
she did try to help me
when no one else bothered to
she spoke to me today
“what’s your name?”
i didn’t want to respond
to engage with another person
who had a chance to hurt me
another person
who could rip me apart
leave my heart bleeding
my trust gone
my confidence crumpled
but i figured
i’d crossed the finish line
into the land of
“nothing to lose”
so i told her
i didn’t smile at her
just an acknowledging nod
“caleb”
“i’m olivia”
she held out her hand
not wanting to be rude
i took it uncertainly
it had been a long time
since someone willingly
introduced themselves to me
at least she tried
to protect me
even if she knew
i wouldn’t accept it
that’s more than
anyone else
has done recently
some people are strange
they fade into society
dissolve into countless crowds
where everyone’s the same
not daring to break free
of the norms surrounding them
people like labels
they like putting you in a box
they want you to be
who they want you to be
people don’t like messy
or different
they watch with eyes
that can be many things
nonchalant
pitiful
judgemental
but they don’t say anything
or do anything
for the sake of another
who needs it
more than their reputation
they don’t think
about the fact
that someone out there
maybe a stranger
or an acquaintance
is clinging to that scrap of hope
that someone still cares about them
they don’t think
that just a couple of words
could save someone’s life
they could provide consolation
or even just a smile
but out of fear
they refuse
fear for what?
for something that won’t matter
when they look back on it
in twenty years
fear of others’ opinions changing
fear of not fitting in
don’t help the freaks
say the worst ones
or else we’ll treat you the same
not everyone is like that
i know that
i’ve met people who aren’t
but it’s been a long time
since someone bothered
to prove that they weren’t
but this girl
this girl perplexes me
i felt something
when she spoke
it wasn’t quite
a spark of love
or a crush
i wouldn’t describe it
as butterflies
it was more of a pull toward her
a feeling
that we were meant to meet
i was never
a strong believer
in fate
or soulmates
all that astrology shit
but it doesn’t feel like that
this feels different
it feels like
if i don’t let her help me
i won’t get a chance again
for a long time
a chance for freedom
for escape
of this continuous judgment
tomorrow
i decide
i’m going to talk to this girl
tomorrow
i’m going to get to know her
she can get to know me
and maybe
if she’s lucky enough
i’ll let her in.