Author’s Note
Dear reader,
Welcome to my story.
Each chapter will consist of a first person perspective, unless it is a narrator perspective. It will mainly be the two main characters but there will occasionally be side characters. I will upload a chapter each issue, so once every two weeks. The writing will be in the form of a poem but still a continuous story. Every part of this story is completely original, except for possible references to lyrics or quotes.
Before you start reading, I have to warn you of a few things that may provoke certain people. They won’t necessarily come up every part. But they will be there at some point in the book.
I will list all trigger warnings below, for future reference. However, I am writing it part by part, so there will be some that aren’t mentioned here. I will definitely put a TW at the beginning of each chapter for anything that I think might concern anyone, whether it is mentioned here or not. Please don’t feel pressured by anyone to read any section if you believe it will influence your mental health.
- Verbal, physical, and psychological abuse
- Bullying/harassment
- References to/implied self-harm
- References to/implied eating disorders
- Homophobia
- Mental disorders
I hope you enjoy my work.
I’ll try not to make it too traumatizing!
Love,
Your anonymous writer
TW: minor implied self harm, implied physical abuse, verbal bullying/harassment.
olivia
the first person i notice is a boy
a boy with sunken cheekbones
dark circles under his eyes
long dark hair
that falls over his face
a black band t-shirt
clings to his slender figure
navy blue cargo pants
held up by a brown leather belt
he’s wearing
loosely applied concealer
attempting to cover
the bruises on his tan skin
spreading from his neck to his face
his lower lip is swollen
faded cuts line his slim wrists
showing under his bracelets
i want to help him
but i know he won’t accept it
as easily as anyone else would
i’m a stranger to him
no one else has kept his trust
why would i
he drags his dirty converse
across the floor
through the crowded hallway
little designs with sharpie
scribbled onto them
he’s slumped over
his posture is begging
to get out of this place
where he can’t be free
kids linger around him
reuniting with their friends
struggling to open metal lockers
shuffling their feet
across the dusty marble floor
the sun sneaks through a window
but the hallway remains primarily dark
reminding me slightly of a jail
it portrays the illusion
that we’re all trapped here
we’re all birds
captured in the same cage
the boy’s round eyes
glued to his phone
to avoid looking up
headphones on
his music so loud
i can hear it faintly
trying to block out
the whispers
the judgment
they don’t say his name
but he knows
he can feel the piercing eyes
burning into the back of his head
i watch in despair
as two boys and a girl
shove him forward
call him names
forcing their voices
into his overthinking mind
they creep into his ears
causing him to tense up
but the boy lets them
push him around
call him unworthy
“a real man would fight back”
“you’re just a coward”
i can see it in his defeated eyes
the way his gaze remains steady
instead of filling with tears
he has tried to defend himself
but they kept going
it never worked for him before
eventually he decided
to let them take him
they’ll destroy him
make him lose
the little hope
he has left
tear him apart
like he’s a piece of paper
yet to be shredded
crumpled
burned
they’ll play with him
like a cat with a mouse
taunting him
until he finally falls
he gave up a long time ago
he raised his white flag
but they tore it down
stabbing it with their insults
as sharp as knives
continuing the ceaseless war
his eyes meet mine
they’re empty
two black holes
portraying pain
trauma
suffering
he’s clearly numb
he doesn’t whimper
he doesn’t shout
or tell them go away
i can’t take it anymore
“stop that”
i yell at the bullies
“why do you want to hurt him?”
“what did he ever do to you?”
“will it make you feel better
about your own miserable lives?”
the boy looks up
and for just an instant
i see a flicker of hope
a spark of a dream
a candle in his darkness
for the first time
his eyes light up
but just as fast
it disappears
like a broken lightbulb
about to go out
the kids aren’t used to anyone
daring to go against them
“what did you say?”
the older boy growls
aiming to sound intimidating
“i said stop”
i reply calmly
standing my ground
“he doesn’t deserve it”
“don’t bother”
the boy speaks
for the first time
his eyes narrowing
his voice runs
as smooth as syrup
yet raw at the same time
he has a slight accent
he almost seems angry now
“but-”
i say
“i said stop”
he says
cold as ice
his tone rising
“ungrateful”
i whisper
then regret it
because it’s clear
he has been through enough
to have trust issues
he hears me
and the concrete wall
he’s been building up forever
falls for a brief second
his dark eyes get shiny
but he blinks it away
before anyone can notice
shit
i understand that
he didn’t want me to defend him
but he wanted someone on his side
he lost his one ticket out
i’m so sorry
i want to tell him
but he turns away
with a subtle shake
of his head
a certain sadness
to the way he’s walking
the one chance he had
gone.