How could I miss something I’ve never had?
I miss holding your hand.
I miss your green eyes.
I miss the richness of your musky cologne.
How could I have imagined it all?
The day you came to my birthday party and met all my friends.
They asked you about your hobbies and school.
And I heard the stars twinkling.
Have you ever thought of me?
I haven’t been able to sleep.
I see your silhouette on my ceiling.
And I ache and crumple at the thought that I’m alone.
I’ve been told
waiting is bad.
Bite the bullet, jump into the deep end.
But I can’t, or at least I haven’t, and I won’t let myself
Because you will laugh at me.
I won’t be able to explain myself.
I will run towards the tide,
So close I’ll almost
touch the ocean.
But it will chase me inland, over and over again.
The cactus in my backyard is blooming.
The vibrant red flower
spreads out like a fan.
But the spines make me shiver.
I pick dandelions instead.
I keep telling people about you
When you don’t even know me.
I tell them you’re
not important
To not have to face the uncomfortable truth.
Imagination makes the heart
grow fonder
And fills me with enchanting dreams.
But I can’t continue imagining us
Because I jolt awake, and there are spines in my bed.
In the morning, my heart shrivels.
It’s tired of working so hard.
My heart is a paradox.
Lonely and full.
But perhaps one day we’ll really
Listen to the stars,
Swim in the ocean,
And you’ll offer me a
bouquet of dandelions.