caleb
so i did it
i did it.
i did it.
i did it.
i did it
and i didn’t regret it
i did it
and i want
to do it again
i went right up to her
i talked to her
i thanked her
i almost smiled at her
but i couldn’t
it felt unfamiliar
but nostalgic
at the same time
just a couple of days ago
happiness was a butterfly
fluttering out of my grasp
but in that moment
i felt like i could reach out
and touch it
or watch it come down
and land on my finger naturally
i think i wanted to smile
when i saw the way
her eyes lifted in surprise
when i spoke
but she soon looked pleased
at the fact that
i managed to talk
for the first time
in a long time
i felt relieved
to go to school
for the first time
i didn’t breathe in
the constant aroma of misery
when i walked into my house
for the first time
i just went to my room
and didn’t worry about
what my dad would do
as i walk to school now
i think about her
it’s strange
i know
i just met this girl
but this magnet
that draws me to her
is just not giving up
it almost feels familiar…
i realize now
that her arrival
was the strike of truth
i so desperately needed
to remind myself
that not everything in my life
will always end up a disaster
i enter the school
and feel-
dare i say-
a strike of comfort?
it certainly doesn’t
feel like angst
as usual
it’s still foreign to me
but starting to feel
like less of a shock
my eyes scan for the girl
wait
i know her name now
my eyes scan for olivia
landing on her right away
she’s talking with another guy
i feel just a flicker of something
i don’t know what it is
all i know
is i want to be the one
next to her
this is so strange
i haven’t felt this way
in years
something holds me back
from approaching her
what if she judges me?
no.
it won’t matter
she likes me
otherwise she wouldn’t have helped…
what if she’s pretending?
it can’t be this easy
she must be playing me
why else would she talk to me…
yet for some reason
i’m filled with doubt
that she’s going to end up
being someone who hurts me
for some reason
i don’t have that lack of trust
toward her
why?
who knows
the strange feeling of trust is new
yet still reassuring
i decide to take the risk
and walk toward her
“hey”
i say when i approach her
“hi”
she says
“caleb, this is neo”
kind of ironic
her introducing me to someone
that i’ve known for years
“hi”
i nod at him
unafraid of his opinion
his impression of me
he smiles; that’s new
“hey, caleb”
his voice is warm
i’ve seen him before
they hurt him too
i won’t let them hurt me again
i won’t let their taunting
have even a slight impact on me
i promise myself
i remember
he ran out of school one day
i guess he couldn’t take it anymore
i’m hit with a pang of empathy
someone calls his name
he says goodbye
leaving me with a newfound idea
that if i actually talked to people
they wouldn’t be so judgemental
i look at olivia
taking her in
she’s wearing
washed out jeans
and a sleeveless top
i notice something
on her shoulder
i blink and rub my eyes
to make sure
i’m not imagining it
she notices me staring
my eyes wide
“what?”
she asks
“no, no, nothing”
i quickly respond
aware that i look hesitant
to myself
i whisper
“it has to be a coincidence”
i’ve never seen anyone else
with a butterfly-shaped birthmark besides…
but it can’t be
on the other hand
when i saw it
nostalgia ran through my mind
like a movie
i was flooded with memories
of laughter and loss
shouldn’t that be a sign…
i shake the thought
but something tugs at my memory
i have to at least check
my heart pounds
as i examine her
looking for other signs
“olive?”
i whisper
my voice cracked
“do you remember me…”
her eyes crinkle
in confusion
“what…”
she says
i have to try
i do a signal
just in case she remembers
i still remember it
how could i forget
when we were younger
we used to make up hand signals
our special language
her eyes widen in recognition
she puts her hand over her mouth
she blinks at me
she can’t speak
eventually she responds
with her own signal
“i- i can’t believe it’s you”
i manage to get out
shocked
still processing
she’s as astounded as i am
“i thought that after last time…”
she trails off
that’s when i know
i know
she will stay by my side
for as long as she can
i know
that i can’t lose her
for a second time
won’t let myself lose her again
i knew
there was something
about this girl
that caused me to know
that i had to hold on to her
our orbits collided
after years apart
we met again
and i fell apart
with her force
but my broken pieces
and her spirit
connect like puzzle pieces
to create a perfect picture
somehow
we found a way
toward each other again
and although i am still broken
i have never felt so healed
the end.